COMPLETE METAMORPHOSIS
THE EYE OF THE STORM
BEAUTIFUL TURBULENCE
Emotional pain cannot be measured compared and nor truly described as it is a very personal and unique experience.
The awareness of a painful thought, event, memory or circumstance won’t make it easier if not the opposite, but it will give this pain purpose, and when pain is attached to purpose, there is an intrinsic duality which recognises the true essence of all existence.
And just as a physical pain averts us from malfunctioning in the body, emotional pain is also necessary in a journey of self-discovery.
HERCULEAN STORM
Confronting trauma, head-to-head, cuts deep. More so if this trauma has been ignored and pushed down for many years.
Not truer words were ever spoken than those of Publius Syrus when he said: “In nil sapiendo vita iucundissima est” or for a more popular phrase coined by Thomas Gray: “Ignorance is Bliss”.
It is much easier to live in ‘oblivion’ and shy away from the truth. Embracing the vulnerability to open to your own truth, however painful this maybe, is the most courageous thing I could ever think of.
PURPOSE
There is no pain bigger than my purpose. This determination is deeply rooted in the undying love that I profess for my children and my utter most desire to live a legacy of two well balanced, loving, kind and caring human beings. For my late brother who willingly lost the battle of life and for all those amazing souls who believe in me.
I WILL RISE
I have always held tight to the belief that a vessel at sea is the perfect analogy for our journey in life. In moments of turbulence, we must hold tight onto the ships wheel and make sure that we stay onboard, as the tide will calm eventually.
The storm may had steered the ship from its original course, we may be drenched and the vessel damaged, but the clothes will dry, the vessel can be repaired. Thanks to the storm, we can potentially learn new skills, become better sailors and the new route may leads us to new and more exciting horizons than those we originally anticipated or looked for.
CHOICE POINT
I am no stranger to choice points, and this, perhaps, has been yet the most difficult decision I had ever have to make.
Shortly after lockdown in London started to ease, a succession of events and the undoubtedly timely advice and support from a dear friend, led me to the point in my life where I had to make a life changing decision. I could live the rest of my life in my “happy bubble” or remove my blinkers and confront the truth. And although I have come to many crossroads and life turning points before, this was without an inch of a doubt, the hardest one ever.
REALISATION
On the 12 th of May 2021, I reached out for professional counselling for the first time in my life culminating in my very first session just 10 days short of my birthday. It surely felt like I was shedding my worn-out skin and being reborn. It felt as if just as my birthday approached, a new me was about to emerge. The healing process had finally commenced.
DISSOCIATION
When someone develops complex PTSD and dissociation, it is their mind’s way of coping with an intensely traumatic experience. Learning about the way my mind has been coping all my life was in a way coming to terms with the fact that I really wasn’t sure of who I was and that the “happy Piluca” I always knew and cherished, was perhaps nothing but a coping mechanism. Suddenly, life seemed fragmented and felt as if I had nothing I could hold onto.
I didn’t know who I was, and that feeling was truly petrifying
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REFLECTION
An inevitable point of reflexion had hit me. When everything you’ve always belief about yourself to be true disintegrates, when you feel like your body, mind and soul haven’t been connected after all, feels like a leap into another dimension where all that one is and all that surrounds you, remains visibly the same, but it is in fact altered its essence from the core.
